The wife and I were texting back and forth a couple weeks ago when my iPhone, unbeknownst to me, autocorrected “fucking” to “ducking,” as is so often the case. What the hell, Apple? Just accept that your users curse. A lot.
Anyway.
The wife texted me back a “ducking,” with me still unaware of the first “ducking.” So I texted her back a sarcastic “ducking,” and that’s when she broke the news that I had inadvertently used “ducking” first.
I was a tiny bit embarrassed, but whatever. That was the end of it, or so we thought.
That night, or that weekend, I don’t recall, we were hanging out with the kids on our back patio. The Tiny One, despite our admonishment to the contrary, could not stop playing with the rocks accenting our landscaping next to the patio.
After a while it became somewhat irritating, more so to her mother, who at one point exclaimed half in jest, “Stop playing with the ducking rocks!”
The children found this hilarious. The Tall One, barely able to speak through her laughter, asked, “Did you say, ‘ducking rocks’?” Once we confirmed she heard correctly, she and her sister continued cackling as if it were the funniest thing they had ever heard.
This continued to be a running joke throughout the weekend, and beyond. We certainly have contributed, occasionally bringing up the “ducking rocks.” Somehow, “ducking rocks” morphed into “duck rock,” and then, “What the duck rock?”
So now, the Tall One often finds herself in a state of mock disbelief and exclaims, “What the duck rock?”
Thankfully the children didn’t pick up any phrases that commonly use “fuck.” I can’t imagine the conversation with their teachers if something like, “duck off,” “duck you,” “motherducker,” or “ducked up” were to come out of their mouths at day care.
Given the frequency with which I use profanity, even though I try to keep myself in check around the kids, I suspect they’ll find themselves in the principal’s office for swearing earlier than many of their classmates. But they’re 5 and 2, so hopefully I have a few years before that happens.
In the meantime, I kind of hope, “What the duck rock?” remains a regular utterance in our house. It’s funny in the same way that kids swearing is, but they’re not swearing, so they won’t get in trouble at school and we won’t get in trouble with our mothers.
As far as I’m concerned, that’s ducking perfection.
